Tonight, Dallas-Fort Worth will turn into a snowy, wint’ry wonderland just in time for us to display our extreme panic when cold weather hits–for hundreds of thousands of people from Pittsburgh and Green Bay. Stay inside and read instead:
- Too bad for your half-chub, hundreds of thousands of strippers are probably not coming to Dallas this week, no matter what one random strip club owner says.
- Illustrious former Dallas Cowboy and avid, uh, “skiier,” Michael Irvin settles Florida sexual assault lawsuit.
- Activists wonder why the NFL won’t post “I’m Not Buying It” anti-trafficking campaign posters.
- Polygamist, accused child rapist Warren Jeffs’ Texas trial has been postponed, again.
- Rape charges against Mexican pop star Kalimba, arrested in El Paso, were dropped by a judge and then appealed by prosecutors.