NOBODY NEEDS TO GRAB ANITA PERRY’S ASS TO MAKE HER SMILE LET ALONE YOU, JOHN KELSO

I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THIS EXISTS IN THE WORLD OF NEWSPAPER JOURNALISM. WHAT YEAR IS IT?!!##*(%)

The headline is: “Somebody needs to goose Anita Perry to get a smile out of her.” It is in the Austin-American Statesman. Columnist John Kelso writes about how Governor Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, the first lady of Texas, does not smile enough for his liking:

Anita Perry doesn’t look real happy. She doesn’t look like she’s having a good time.

I think I should invite her down to Giddy Ups beer joint near Manchaca and buy her a beer. I can make it all better for you, sweetheart. They have a jukebox AND a shuffleboard table.

No, seriously, did you see that photo of Texas’ first lady on the front page of this newspaper on Wednesday? The photo was shot on Tuesday at Gov. Rick Perry’s inauguration. It shows the Perrys marching out under some swords held aloft by Texas A&M’s Ross Volunteers at the Palmer Events Center.

This is the written equivalent of street harassment. It’s a “Hey baby, how ’bout a smile?” And then the guy pats your ass. Because that makes women smile. They love it.

EDIT: Okay, I have calmed down some and no longer feel the urge to type in all caps and set something ablaze. So I’d like to say this: if Kelso intends to pass off this column as satire, he fundamentally misunderstands the way satire works. It’s not satire when someone in a position of privilege does nothing but mimic things people just like him do when they are really doing the thing he is saying they should not do. That doesn’t make any sense. Uh: it’s like when a really old white dude makes racist jokes and then says he is just kidding, he was making fun of really old white dudes who make racist jokes. Maybe you are, dude, but maybe you are just a racist old white dude. So maybe John Kelso is not a dirty old sexist. But he sure as hell sounds like one.

If you’re as physically repulsed and grossed out by this as I am, email John Kelso yourself and tell him what a consummate creep he is. He’s at jkelso@statesman.com.

About andrea grimes

Andrea is a journalist living in Austin, TX. She has a master's degree in anthropology and did her thesis work on gender and stand-up comedy. Seriously. Also, she has a bunch of cats. Three of them. Is three a bunch? Discuss.
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One Response to NOBODY NEEDS TO GRAB ANITA PERRY’S ASS TO MAKE HER SMILE LET ALONE YOU, JOHN KELSO

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